Wednesday, 9 April 2008
against all odds.
She was confused, tensed, irritated with herself. She had never allowed herself to be provoked; she had to remain cool and distant. Those crazy people, however, had managed to make her feel shame, fear, rage, a desire to murder them all, to wound them with words she hadn't dared to utter. She needed to get back to the person she used to be, someone able to respond with irony, to pretend that the insults didn't bother her because she was better than all of them. Honestly, here I am, with my days literally numbered, giving importance to remarks made by people I've never seen before, people who soon I'll never see again. And yet I suffer and get upset; I want to attack and defend. Why waste my time?
But she was wasting the little time left to her, fighting for her tiny bit of space in that
strange community where you had to put up a fight if you didn't want others imposing their rules on you.
I can't believe it, I never used to be like this. I never used to fight over stupid things.