caillou

Saturday, 30 June 2007

storm.

f.u.r.b

down on my knees.

to the tagger, "Nana", my blog song was Breathe Me by Sia just earlier today. I wasn't really sure which song you were referring to because heh, i frequently change it. i think i care, HAHA, so yeah, the song that's playing now is 'Down on my knees' by Ayo. Just in case you're interested on this one too. Check out Ayo's whole album too! She's addictive. Thanks for dropping by.

Friday, 29 June 2007

battle frontier.

heck.

headache, no headache. i have to tie this hair tight and get going.

what if i, had a thing on the side.

I, have been here so many times before.

I have been too sentimental lately, which is very unlikely isn't it? *i can see readers nodding their heads. haha wth.

well anyway, i am doomed. submission date for public relation's essay is on the 2nd July. what date is it today? oh. already the 29th. which totally means i am so left with, with, 3 days. 3 DAYS! to analyse my campaign, evaluate it, blablablublu about it, find brochures, or any sort of advertisement the campaign i'm choosing has to offer. i was wondering, when will printing day be? i'm surprised myself that i am not, well, the least, efficient like i used to be for this bloody subject. once PR's over, 4 months more to a diploma!

on a lighter note, at least i have less than 72 hours to fill, compared to a day before submission. i must start today. and in addition to this dreamy sort of trance, i shall still read my dearest storybooks.

umm i'll see about that?

i just have not found the drive yet to even start panicking. and that's making me rimas, irritated and clench-fists kind of emotion.

plus this headache is no longer taking over me, it's KILLING me.

Thursday, 28 June 2007

cinammon cream.

i was wondering;

what if eyebrows fall like how our hair falls everyday. you know... just like,

dead leaves... if that ought to happen, I'll give it a big laugh initially, then will i start to worry.

why did this post even exist you wonder?

cause Hana pushed me further to becoming an extremist in talking shit and influencing her more.

her brain's corrupted. already. by me.

wait till i see Ashton and study some pick up lines from him.

he's are the worst.

"cerita cinta anak remaja, menggauli kidung kasih, punya kah takut di hati?

terkutuklah, bila kita berpisah, selamanya harus bersama;

buktikan kita bahagia."

Wednesday, 27 June 2007

began an end today.

well-overkilled and
i need a shoulder.

perhaps fate knows i'm up for this. till it fell so hard that its paralysed,
crippled, desensitized. yet still, a fool for the similar.
i gave, yet wasn't given.

the latest emotion weapon(s) is/are: jumping jacks!!!
HA HA HA.

it has to end.
it must.

astaghfirullahhalazim.

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

overkilled.

my today had to go this way,

without caring less what is in need of my attention,
stayed at the corner of the room, curled, head's down.
tucked these hands between the knees and chest, fists clenched.
the air was still, vision was dark. when it was only, about a quarter to 4.
the space was distant, far, very far away from where the mind thought it was.

hush baby,
hush.

brought these palms to my face, just to realise, i was giving myself a good cry. hot streams of what you call tears, gushed like how the weather would drizzle.
trembled hard, couldn't even sense the floor i was on.
the mind envisioned, of what i call a venerated soul claiming its loss.
for what seemed a few minutes,
i made 2hours pass with this kept down emotion.
tried the hardest to eliminate what i call love, and empty this organ that's so full of uncertainty, grotesque confession, needed truth, wanting fidelity.
how could you be so blessed?
how did you hold such charm?
how could i...
wanting no sympathy at all,
wanting no sympathy.
who said i'm alright.

so, done?

i'm gone.

so tell me what's changed.

giving it down, living it up, pulling it back, pushing it forward, digging it through...

i'm guarded, yet uncertain.

Monday, 25 June 2007

*shrugs* and numbed.

i got myself another book today from borders, the joy luck club by amy tan. i recalled a text when 4e3 were tested on for literature's prose; it was an extract from this book. so when only today i spotted this book, i took it all out on my expenses haha. i know i can't be going to school this month living on books, haha, but i just couldn't handle the magnetic attraction it had on me. right now, am having a good time playing reversi, uno and scissors paper rock with makcik honey while considering the fact whether or not should i skip tutorial tomorrow.besides, morning will be served monopoly-iously tomorrow. spent the whole day out today and i'm exhausted.

exhausted of: considering deliberately this abtruse reality, when i'm pretty informed that, for now, it all boils down to nothing-yet. perhaps, to a nothing that'll last forever.

all packed up, and ready. to, make things

way.

'bout a quarter to one.

and i see it in my mind playing over and over again.

boy, i wish that you could hold me when i'm lonely,

when i need someone to talk to you would phone me;

just like everything its on me.

Friday, 22 June 2007

green day

yesterday was finally all SCHAT's day. we made our way to swan lake and scare the swans out of their feathers...Not. how could we possibly scare them out of their feathers. HA HA. there were food in abundance, but we got exhausted and needed more drinks than all of us had. i got out of bed as early as 8.30, awaken by the bzzzzbzzzz sound from moto red. like i've guessed dreamily, it was the nurse. that early, nurse and me went snack-shopping at sheng siong. so uncool? i know. but the prices are. :) we bought oranges, drinks, the favourite swiss rolls, batteries, and i can't remember. off we went, by 10.30 we were already at tom and stefanie, (being the excited-everything-i-want-extra) purchasing another bottle of bubbles. fast forward.

before our game of cards, jump-high-in-the-sky, digging in, dancing to umbrella, and all-come-to-camera to preview pictures, we had a battle with the ants first and foremost. our spot was just perfect, under a really really huge tree; it was shady and all, but the ants just decided to join us for their share of fun. we shifted by the way, after tolerating enough. everything was just so blissful. even our way there felt like it only took 15minutes. our noise, personally i think, is equivalent to being with 10 people instead of 5.

and oh, blogger isn't giving in to me ever since yesterday, that i couldn't upload our pictures. Ca has blogged though at schatinlove with pictures from her Sony somethingsomething. oh! it's cybershot. i forgot.

__________________________________________ .

(this separates thoughts)

when i was about to start enjoying normality, i couldn't. it's impossible for the moment. girl, you don't have to feel that way. before going on wallowing in the first place, perhaps you might wanna think of how the previous girls' had suffered before you. a month isn't anything compared to a year's plus dangerous relationship, or so you called. perhaps the right thing to do personally i think is; don't go troubling yourself away thinking nor making assumptions against what's going on. my name clipped back to his personal diary-made-public isn't a big deal at all for goodness sake. i consider that such a norm, and when i recalled, seeing yours up there, his posts on you, his happiness you brought, i wasn't even ranting it out nor highlighting your sentence babe. keep it cool. out from that situation, i gathered my experience. you don't need to go on and hope. in fact you musn't. and one actual fact now, we're not even massaging palms nor meeting up. -.-

don't get yourself disappointed out of a curlywurly-gone-mohawk.

yeah, the only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone.

i was lucky i didn't do that.

quoted, i give myself a good cry if i need it. but then i concentrate on all the good things still in my life. i don't allow myself any more self-pity than that. a little each morning, a few tears and that's all. how useful it would be to put a daily limit on self-pity. just a few tearful minutes, then on with the day. not everyone is so lucky. i'm one of those "not everyone". learn to detach. don't cling to things because everything is impermanent, you're too busy being afraid. there are other emotions in the world, experience them, and 17's not just about feeling lonely.

now i'm left to wonder with infinitive possibilities. if you're angry, you'll respond this back in vulgarities. (actually i prefer if you don't at all). and if you're agreeing, i don't know what you'll do. if you're on the fence, i do not know either. if the the truth be damned, i'm keeping this gap shut. meanwhile, who would not love to be belonged right? i do too. so i understand every bit of you that's feeling the emotional germs right now. was there. been there, done that.

it's now already 4, i haven't had my lunch. darn that.

Wednesday, 20 June 2007

the boy cut.

2 heaping tablespoons of charm, a scoop of beauty, 1/4 cup of kindness; season and serve. it hadn't work out even once. i guess. then maybe next i shall try 1/2 a cup of friendlines, a dash of charm and a gallon of honesty. mix it together, and i'll serve it hot.

come home soon.

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you.

for wishful thinking.

One would have thought, and many have expressed an expectation of sorts - that this STAR(RED) Ayuni would be having time in her hands to update this blog, given the circumstances of being a full-time mass commer. the truth of the matter is, being a part-time housewife cum full-time student is no easy job. and the other truth which i had anticipated long before i stepped into housekeeping is this - I can't last days being home early after school and have since said yes to cityhall,kopitiams,orchard,sunbathing,apeks,sunburn,tannedskin,rafflesplace,lau pa sat,dangerous crossings (and by this, i mean doing everything apart from cooking, to cleaning, bathing the fur ball-my rabbit, and again I could go on...) is one hell of a job. do you think?

besides, i'm adding to my leisure some meaningful time-killer activities. when just last 2years i was an intense avid reader, i'm bringing that back. since after the 'o's, i wasn't much a bookworm anymore only until recently. yesterday, i decided to purchase 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and i've went all the way till what the book called, "the seventh tuesday; we talk about the fear of aging". this far, i find it an excellent read, very very very very inspiring. honestly, the book's cool. what is more, i borrowed Hana's book titled Ugly, by Constance Briscoe. i put up at her place yesterday and i did go as far as page twenty two in 10 minutes i guess. that book illustrates a true story of a loveless childhood. this book, it's ultra cool. more than what i can describe as a page turner. it gets the drama going in my mind, even when i'm not reading it. i found the brutal lest mother here in Ugly. not forgetting, illusionist is handing me Mercy by Jodi. the all-time ayuni's favourite! =D and plus, i have 3 Her World magazines that i can re-read including this month's!! oh gosh, i have a thing for reading materials. it gives me eyegasm. Haha.

am anticipating for thursday too. where i'll haul tripod stand, d70, sitting mats, swissrolls, music, (and again the list can go on...) over these brittle, flimsy shoulders. (oh yeah...) the rest, i gotta go check upon these pretty girls. sha, ca, tee, hana, hear my call!

the other day during public relations, out of drawing a histogram on how an opinion leader neutralises opinions(obviously) and distribute the neutralised comments, to the sub opinion leader before giving it to the public, i drew facial expressions on my circles. from the branched out lines, Ashton thought the whole thing that i've illustrated look like walking cherries growing. he came up with this. though i thought he was gonna do it exactly how i drew on my piece of paper.

and oh father's day. i didn't get my dad anything superb nor splendid. as a matter of fact i got nothing for him. mom just treated everyone of us to swensen's. i had a good time laughing at pa's crap. and the both of us were extra 'manja' on that particular day. we shared merri-mint together, and talked over the tall ice-cream glass, feeding each other playfully. once, i purposely gave him a careless scoop of ice cream and yeah, it made his mouth messy. ma just watched and laughed along with brother. they were basically, asking me to do spoilt-brat stuffs to my poor daddy.

You were like my lover and my best friend all wrapped into one with a ribbon on it.

Saturday, 16 June 2007

when the world has dealt its cards.

separated, dejected, i'm a place for that recruit, a ground for that throw-alls.

a clocked intimacy, halt by his pictures of her in mind, the tranquil pill.

this dedicated fidelity, unconditional wishes, these silent prayers. when walking away was the only able-thing to do.

between the lines of fear and blame,
I begin to wonder why I came.

somewhere along in the bitterness, I would have stayed up with him all night.

I try to slip past his defense, without granting innocence, laid down a list of what is wrong; the things I told him all along.

As he begins to raise his voice, I lower mine and grant him one last choice.

He will do one of two things. he will admit to everything or he'll say he's just not the same.
And I'll begin to wonder why I came.

forgetting all i'm lacking, completely incomplete. i'm living for the only thing I know.I'm running and not quite sure where to go, and I don't know what I'm diving into. There's nothing else to lose, there's nothing else to find. so, how many more times must I clamber up this thorned steps while singing songs of pretended, mesmerizing smiles?

i'll sit,and have a game of snake and ladders in solitude.

Friday, 15 June 2007

unclipped.

forget about updating. im dumping blog. for tonight.

Wednesday, 13 June 2007

we're all fools for love, so the saying goes.

"love can push even the most brilliant woman over the edge. And when that happens, the consequences can be shocking. this applies to even the brightest sparks among us. it doesn't matter whether you're Einstein or a school drop out. love is a classless emotion that can make any of us act out in unexpected ways, from the whimsical to the bizarre. so when things turn sour, there's really no degree or certificate that can guarantee you'll stay level-headed. we may think that high-fliers who would hold big jobs can tackle anything that comes their way. but grappling with a broken relationship isn't the same as negotiating million-dollar deals. and not everyone parts with a golden handshake. given that a recent study found 84 per cent of women have fantasized about killing someone - almost a love rival - it's not so far-stretched to say that we all have a latent time bomb waiting to go off. and if the clock gets started, IQ can do very little to defuse it. everyone have their own private kryptonite."

warm smile.

times like this, i'll prefer swiss rolls with tea. here at my hometown in woodlands (haha), its cold and raining and sweet and sexy and rhymy and so tranquil. *clears throat*

well, now school's about public relation's assignment. it seems pretty easy to get by and very broad that i've decided to be torn between motorola's aids campaign and uk's body shop's earth campaign. like i predicted, now the (RED) campaign has gone further than just phones. if i wasn't indirectly forced to analyse each posters and woman-related advertisements, like, look closely and speak in your mind that kind of thing, i wouldn't even care less nor would i bother these advertisements pouncing their way through our little minds. simply said, i'm paying attention now. paying more attention than never before.

i think i'll pepper today with more entries later. or perhaps tomorrow. as i, i'm waiting for ashton's walking cherries to be illustrated in photoimpact and thus, i shall, blog it, here. screams* ASHTON, WALKING CHERRIES PLEASE!

Tuesday, 12 June 2007

purring

WHERE ARE MY WALKING CHERRIES MONDOK???!!!

Ma's outside, singing lullaby tunes in front of the teevee.

and, ummm. i finished reading my Public Relation's Textbook!!!

kristy, YOU MUST BE PROUD OF ME!!!

Saturday, 9 June 2007

boy, you forgot about the promises you made me.

life has taken a unique turn around me. that got me feeling high and low at the same time. situations after situations, positioning me in a spot where i have to think on my feet, make choices like 'if i don't do this, somebody will die' that kind of thing. finally, the past phase has ended bringing me somewhere foreign and new but definitely i'm enjoying the company. the atmosphere and the thrill. undoubtedly still, i'm a little afraid and anxious here and there. insyaAllah i believe everything will turn out fine soon.

i made a mess yesterday. in the car, and under my own pants. felt wretchedly bad; miserable and sad. daddy was angry when the banana shake i didn't finish soiled the car's foot mat. that mess was the first in our car history. nothing ever spilled before inside. so i just had to start history. blearggh. it wasn't like i did it on purpose. the cup just had to tilt and drool when daddy made a turn around a corner. was i to blame? in the first place, i was having a hard time positioning my butt on the piece of cloth to protect the seat further from getting stained. oh i hate blood stains. they are so difficult to clean. good thing this month, i don't suffer any cramps cause i left cramps at vivo together with the ships and bid it goodbye. and it was crazy la yesterday.

hana and me created a new way for schat to greet. all these while of course it was normal hand shakes and hugs. so yesterday it went something like this,

hana: eh we should create our own greeting la. salam jer macam normal sangat la.

me:then maybe we should do like them. see, tengok sane.(points)

then coincidentally we walk past a group of matreps-go-wild-shopping-at-vivo-city parting with their bunch of friends. they had the normal ummm...i don't really know how to describe. but yeah, let me say they had the normal clench their fists and sort of punch softly with their knuckles. haaaaa. -.-' hana and me were busy copy-catting. doing the same, punch softly that we missed the escalator down.

hana: eh haha!

me: alah why not we do something different la. like, bang your head against each other whenever we see.

me: let's say you bump into me somewhere. we are not expecting each other but we bumped. then i'll run to you, (i made small pretend run-on-the-spot) and say ehy! hana! and "kepap!" (i did the you know, how footballers head balls to score or something).

hana: HAHAHAHAHA! and then pretend eh macam tak kelakar gitu. lepas "kepap" talk like normal? HAHAHAHA! imagine if there's all 5 of us there. ehy caca! kepap! ehy sha! kepap! ehy tee! kepap!

me: HAHAHAHA.

and oh i saw a rainbow.

Friday, 8 June 2007

banana bleeds! OMG!

superb day today. pushing blood clots out laughing with makcik. oh. we skipped class, ask ashton to write notes for us and we were out. a random trip with heels, halfway for me, but wholeday for hana. i couldn't stand the heels and lucky i had my slippers on hold. i brought milk, a whole box of milk(is that how milk's suppose to be described) to hana's house cause she didn't have enough cowsmoomoo to milk. nah. cause she didn't have milk to marry her cereals to. how crazy. plus i got sleeq's album today. before you people think i'm drooling blood for them, no. cause honestly i'm just supporting them. syarif's handwriting ass.you.see.kay.ass.(sucks)

sorry hana. ahaa. it's not a full post for today, i'm tired. continuing tomorrow with more pictures of...ME. hopefully nobody gets sick looking at my aunty2 expressions. for tonight, i pick the ones i THINK are the best among all the worst shots. because brother said, "you must...breathe...and click." okay. i guess i'm applying that tip on me next time.

the facial expressions found here show's how high my makcik was. she was the happy pill for the day.

Tuesday, 5 June 2007

under my umbrell-a.

when i first heard umbrella by rihanna, i was taken aback by her voice. i can't say that the whole song was rotten-sounding as, i was kinda addicted to it. still, there is of course some very heartful structured out lyrics. i give it a ridiculously-addictive rate. i think it's gonna be the next most played and overexposed song like unfaithful. blearghh. and yeah i think umbrella will play well in stores like forever21 or aldo. it gives you the extra drive and mood to shop. oh well. im gonna start singing this song to irritate you ashton. wooops! heeeeeeh.

and i was really really really early today- i got home straight after school together with bella and we're here back at our hometown by approx. 1.30. oh and to atiqah, *smiles!* thank you again for volunteering to get me jodi's books. because at that point of time, i was in 960 already and i have no idea where to get off, if i wanna be somewhere close to orchard. i already had crazy ideas; like randomly get off at any stop just for the moving out sale's sake! heheh. bookwormatic. (bookworm+book fanatic=bookwormatic. =D)

and my idea of fetching my mama today joined me in lala land. i had 4 full hours of sleep and i didn't have enough minutes left to change, hop on the bus and say 'hi' to ma. guess i'll see her later! and anyway too, anugerah's tonight i don't want to miss it. i've always love to follow up singing competitions like this. or other reality shows. because i find them realistically-fake and intriguing.

and last night, i made myself happy by making another else happy. yeay.

i had the intention to reply, but sleep was way way way overwhelming me i couldn't text. i wanted to say this to the another else : "oh alright i'll take care of me always. hee. you must take care too! *hugs back*". if you're reading this.

one last thing. i'm gonna get sleeq's album by friday! hana, make sure syarif and ALIF give me their personally written message!!

alright people, better start listening to rihanna's umbrella, ella ella eh eh eh.(that's how she sounds like).

Monday, 4 June 2007

touch of the la la la-s.

"His hugs, although expansive and affectionate, did not linger, seemed perfunctory".

and oh at last.
i can already click heels and say, "singularity rocks!"
cause particularly, my heels are aldo's.
ooh woops. sorrysorry just had to mention they're aldo's cause it's so freaking sexy!

p.s: when can i have the next, mom?

Sunday, 3 June 2007

OUR PERFECT SUNDAY MORNING.

PART ONE: Alright, this was when i met up with worm for a little while to hunt for the b-day girl's present. undoubtedly, we just had to make some noise and accidentally attract attention from all lookers. couldn't help it. oh if you ask why, we always find the littlest things funny and heart tickling.

PART TWO: okay this was today. we were the early birds for tee's mini birthday bash. our plan was purposely set at woodlands. the semi-birthday celebration. we started off at 10 and watched pirates(POTC3) at 12. don't ask what happened in the theatre. of course we were the noisy ones! like seriously johnny depp is idiotically-adorable. there was one point of time i didn't pay attention to some parts of the movie cause it was too exhausting. though its 3hours long, its a good watch to me. potc1 and 2 are better though. i had cheese nachos session with sha in the theatre, not mentioning the how many dirty cheese drips i made to my tudung. when the nachos ran out, we dipped fingers to the cheese. scrumptious!

PART THREE: after movies(cuppycakes). let's let the pictures do the yaddayaddas. sat at orange julius to indulge with the cupcakes before the birthday girl and hana go off. hana, to sleeq's album launch and tee, another birthday date. she's a lucky dudette i must say!

PART FOUR:after hana and tee's departure, we went rounds again. this time the 2gb memory card ran out of space. there were exactly 800pictures in there, including today's.