caillou

Monday, 31 March 2008

In love, you can do so much.

At this moment, my room's in such a holy mess, it's such an eyesore and there's nothing I can do about it. Well actually I could, but I'm feeling so blah, its been in that state for the longest period of my entire Messyhood. I traveled all the way to suntec city earlier today to see the bf, and spend 1 pathetic hour of lunch and *gazing into each other's eyes* (that's not true). Before I took off for lunch, I visited MPH and bought 2 books; (because I've long given up on Kino and Borders - (well I visit Borders only for their adorable embossed stickers most of the time now.) Just to share - I've never felt so rejected all my life before ever since last night. I text, lemme recall, 7 inactive human beings; for some, they either lost their phone to the toilet bowl or they just simply didn't want to reply, or maybe their phone, or maybe mine was just too faulty and there's no way they could get back to me, or maybe they thought they didn't see the unread message in their inbox, bottom line was, these people didn't reply. I've never felt so pissed, and again, rejected, and as a result, hafiz had to suffer that extreme foul mood which I can't help but be a bitch all over. Some cases, they had plans before I suggested an outing together - what a waste; and that made me feel stupid too. I've a week worth of holiday and I didn't want to waste it at home, doing practically nothing beneficial. But then again, who would want to understand this stupid emotional wreck heart, cause all I ever been through was, an angry/irritated/bitchy/mean me will always result to others' negative judgment. I was told to not bother what the ones who don't matter have to say, but heck admit this, almost each of us are succumbed to the fact that, you don't want to be thought of imperfectly. And from this post, everyone can derive that . . . I'm a loser with no friends, my life's as boring as a clock, I need nothing but myself.
I hate to fail.

Sunday, 30 March 2008

say it

Bitch puh-leazzzzzzaah

Friday, 28 March 2008

If I could be your angel.

Just like a shadow
I'll be beside you
I'll be your comfort
And let it guide you home
I will provide you a place of shelter
I wanna be your zone
Tell me what to do
Tell me what you wanted me to do
I'll make you great to be a man
With a woman who can stand
Who will never promise to leave her man
Making vows to please her man

If I could be your angel
Your angel, your angel
Protect you from the pain
I'll keep you safe from danger
You'll never hurt again
I'll be your a.n.g.e.l
I'm gona be your a.n.g.e.l
I'll be your angel

Just like the moon
I'll step beside
And let your sun shine
While I follow behind

the moon is dancing

I can't wink an eye, in an attempt to do so, I have to scrunch, crush, squeeze the half of my face where I want to make the eye wink so badly that I'll look like a frog.
Yayy the holidays are finally here (7 days long, I wonder what can I do except to suffer 30 out of 168 hours of silence and painful longing) I don't consider that fun, at. all. Maybe I should just go hide in a bag, and pretend I'm a dirty laundry.

Thursday, 27 March 2008

wishy washy.

I made a new friend today. The new washing machine! I said hi, and it told me how to work its buttons, its white and cool and small, and very friendly. I love the beep each function button makes, and this calls for.... more laundry to be done by me!

Wednesday, 26 March 2008

these hands will not be taught to need another's.

I step outside my mind's eyes for a minute
And I look over me like a doctor looking for disease
Something that could ease the pain
But nothing cures the hurt you, you bring on by yourself
Just remembering, just remembering how we were

And I couldn't see this place could soon become my hell,

I had a dream today, the strangest, dumbest dream that ever came across my head. I dreamed that I was on a personal bus ride with the Indian bus service 911 driver. I don't know how the freak did I get into his ride, and the best part was I had a special seat next to him. During the ride, he told me that he's got the best bus ever, reason being, the driver's seat is the hardest any drivers could ever get... Oh yes, the hardest seat. Worthless post. Heheh.

Tuesday, 25 March 2008

oh yeah.

I'm in need of a vacation somewhere far, like the Caribbean Sea. With Rusty and my Fiz-zy and mummy, along with a diary. I haven't been sane enough that few days I hope I am now. Well its terrible not talking to you for almost 7 hours now its crazy having to wait, I am going crazy. I want you back home, call me call me call me quick. 7 hours multiply by 3, I've to bear 21 hours of silence alone, in this sick and boring and wicked world. BRRR. I live with submission dates and nothing else. And milo every night to keep me awake. I prayed time didn't have to go so fast, but it always did.
3 days ago, Mama bought me the book that I didn't have to save up for, Brida by Paulo Coelho. It is now in my very hands, it appears very tempting and the woman figure on the cover looks like Colbie Caillat from the back. Somehow somehow, I sense a difference among people, their attitudes and their aura (speaking like some professional beautician blearghh) but its true - how everybody's changing and I don't feel the same... lalala. Everybody's changing, yet He, never will.

where are you... goodness this is really killing me.

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

MARIAH CAREYYYYYY

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG YOU NEVER EVER EVER FAIL TO IMPRESS ME MARIAH CAREY!

Saturday, 15 March 2008

losing it.

I hear your breathing

Across the Room.

Is death going to take you?

It's way too soon.

I see the pain

In your beautiful eyes

If I could ease it

I would surely try.

I see the slowness in your once strong step

Please lay down

And try to rest.

I see the pleading in your tired, tired face

Can you go to a safer place

I feel the confusion that you must feel

Oh Dear God

Is this pain really real?

If you could lay down and just go to sleep

The pain would be gone

And you could have final peace.

- Denise Gajus

Dearest Rusty,

please don't go.. :( I felt your ears and tummy today, they were unusually cold and disturbing. I love you fat bunny, you are the best bunny in the world I could ever ask for. I love your lop ears, I love your bloated tummy, I love each time you try to climb on me, I love how you do your infamous leap of joy in the air, we all love you. You are always the best friend when there's no one at home. You'll look at me with those beautiful eyes, both paws in the bowl, waiting for fresh bunny food.. Please get well soon, please don't be this sick.. I promise to add vitamin drops to your drink, I'll stroke you everyday, I'll say goodnight to you. I'll give you food whenever you like it, I'll love you definitely... :(

Thursday, 13 March 2008

as precious as diamonds.

ocassionally, I need the time to recollect myself, put scattered pieces of myself together, to face the world again. I need the time all to myself, while the minutes away with no one to interrupt. I really need you to understand, cause I hardly have this time to pass me by.

Wednesday, 12 March 2008

morning, sunshine.

I fall in love all over again, each time you hold my hand.

Monday, 10 March 2008

through my dreams.

you're making me weak with the way you, look through those eyes...

Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Inspirasi.

"We are not alone in our ability to invent or plan."

I've exactly 2 weeks to presentation day and I've completed zero research, zero read ups, zero notes. that's just as good as spending the night in my crammed wardrobe (where i suggested the boy to stay in every night but he refused to cause he's too 'long' and there's barely space to breathe and surely its ridiculous). If time could stop, I'll hide under my blankets and write alphabets with my nose.

I'm blunt, I'm weak, I'm dumb, I'm a freak cause for once, or twice, or thrice, or beyond, I've no slightest inspiration which I can put to good use and blog. My eyes are painful I think I'm going blind.

I'd like more Raspberry Ice Chocolate with 6 pumps of raspberry syrup. Now how about Mr. Bf treat me to this heavenly delight where I could indulge my senses in and leave all these worldly worries that never seem to go away.

Di mana inspirasiku.