caillou

Tuesday, 29 April 2008

INCOMPATIBLE.

Here I go again, and it couldn't get any worse than it already is (or maybe it will). Time alone brought me back to where our first seats used to be. May I sit here? I asked. Oh yeah, sure you can. You replied. And our story begin from then on. I experienced the best of both worlds when I was with you, I've found the perfect fit, I thought. It wasn't in the drinks that you bought me, it wasn't in the looks that caught me, it wasn't in your smell that enticed me, but it was that inner something that got me. Deep down, I've been through religious cycles of fiasco of all sorts, friendship especially, I am not ashame to admit that. Having you was a gift God lent me, but only until I realise that it was only temporary. You listen very well, though I've to repeat myself; but I've never mind that. You have that beautiful soul, to cheer when I am down, to gladden situations when I get sullen, to crap when lecturers get bitchy.. We share the same liking for music, almost, almost every new music I recommended you to listen, vice versa, we tend to find them addictive, we tend to sing to them, and you tend to store them in your mp3. Our common tendencies... Perhaps, just perhaps, I wasn't good enough for you in the very first place.. You've seen my ups and downs, you've seen the aftermath of my breakup, you've seen through me completely if you don't know. How I secretly cried at takashimaya just talking about issues that clouded my mind. For as long as I could remember, you were there for me like forever. You can tell I'm not alright, you can say the deepest things to make the day possible. You're not easy to find, definitely. Now I'm awake to a completely different world. A line in our friendship I never dreamed it would exist/happen. Your 19th, I ruined it all. I wish for an encore. Don't think that's possible either. And I cry over this loss. You have 3 better souls now, I've lost it all. I've lost it all.

“We are friends and I do like to pass the day with you in serious and inconsequential chatter. I wouldn't mind washing up beside you, dusting beside you, reading the back half of the paper while you read the front. We are friends and I would miss you, do miss you and think of you very often.”

Thursday, 24 April 2008

and I...

"Woman was taken out of a man; not out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot; but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved."

______________________________________________ .

2 mornings ago, I was awoken by mum's very interesting question. It was 6.03 am that fateful day.
"Abang (aka Brother), do you want to keep a hamster?"

What exactly happened?

Daddy was about to leave for work when he saw a poor little miserable really tiny HOMELESS literally HOMELESS hamster, wondering around in front of my doorstep!!!! My heart dropped when I saw ham² scurrying around by itself in that wee morning, without a cage, less did I expect food and water; there, right in front of my very eyes running, wondering around, probably thinking the cold morning grounds were its home. Now the fucking irresponsible owner (pardon the harshness, I just can't make do with inhumanity) who abandoned that helpless innocent creature in front of our doorsteps deserves to be the ham² instead, I tell you. I never knew why, human beings, they can just get so cruel sometimes. So brother actually had a hard time chasing the ham² around, and I'm not gonna leave this out: He actually half squatted 'Splinter cell' style directly in front of our neighbour's door, just to save ham² into the trusty plastic container. By 11, Fiz came over to save hungry ham², he bought ham²'s food yo! And I only realised ham² needed water when it was already 2pm.

...ooops.
Hafiz faithfully accompanied me throughout the day, and I got home with ham²'s new cage! The cage seemed warm and cosy, its pink and both hamster wheel plus a petite plastic bottle were included - both detachable. That only cost my purse $17.37 if I could remember correctly. Now ham² lives happily (hopefully) and peacefully (definitely) ever after. And I... am a zookeeper with 2 furry friends yawl!

Monday, 21 April 2008

hello.

It was only a sunny smile and little it cost in the giving but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.

mindless post.

Apart from school, I've been up to practically nothing most of the time. Recently, hafiz and I went for a shopping trip together and boy was I chirpy! We picked up some polos, a few shirts and more. The weather was good, the ka-chings have been good, so we practically shopped till I can feel my knees plop! I certainly want more more more shopping trips together, and a food adventure too! And I think Daddy was feeling "extra generous" yesterday, that was why he purchased a Sharp aquos lcd tv, a Fisher&Paykel laundry dryer, Sony ps3 for himself (which I bet I'll be playing it most of the time), a 160gb external hard drive for brother, and a 4gb thumbdrive for myself. And to sum it up, the toilets were equipped with brand new water heaters just earlier today. Why the huge purchases? Beats me. in any instances, I am still sane, am still in love, and am still the same. Brother's being very annoying. He keeps on saying "Hello, hello, hello. Hello Bitch. Hello Bitch" in that irritating fake high pitched voice along with an awfully fake Australian accent. Dah gila. And now each time I feel out of place and bored close to death online, I'll watch 2 Chris Crocker's videos (out of the many nonsensical videos he's got!) - defeat depression & the bitch bell from youtube! That really can make me laugh and release all the boredom away.

Monday, 14 April 2008

roarrrrr

I was made of cramps, air-conditioners, cab fares, and extremely heavy rain today. I do not feel like going to school tomorrow...
) :

I don't care what they say, cause I'm in love with you.

Nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness I see your face
Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe..
But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you.
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open and I keep bleeding love.

oh yes, so so so mushy!

Thursday, 10 April 2008

how would you like it if it was you?

A week back, last Sunday to be precise, I experienced what you call, a sudden burst of laughter. When I was all alone in that train, there were commuters around, but I was by myself lah, clad in the madrasah uniform, my face all stoned (i think) and ready to go home and dive into my bed and sink into a deep sleep and go back to happy lalalala land and eat when I wake up; I was practically lost in reverie when I realised my head was happily nodding away, left to right, left to right like some desperate head deprived of sleep. To avoid falling asleep, I took the phone out to text the jellybean!

I asked : Still sleeping ke.....

When he gave this one reply,
this one particular reply

I can never ever ever forget,

I can never never never ever forget.

I WILL NEVER FORGET.

I will not in my life forget that I will not forget this very, eerie, scary, haunted reply

A reply that scares me to death. Not.

A reply that'll never exit my mind.

A reply that gave a sudden jolt to my sleepy mind,

A reply that said...

Yes. X i doom
(above was his original reply)

YES. X I DOOM!
YES. X i dOOOOOOOmmm!
yEs. x I DOOM!
I doom !
Oh yes oh yes oh yes, X i WILL DOOM!
XXXXXXXXXXXX I WILL DOOOMMMMMMMM
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
DOOOM
DOOM
DOOM
DOOM!

I think this wasn't the worst of typos he ever had. Once, he even replied a Wing emo to me when I asked a 'what are you doing' question.
The question : What are you doing stinky?
The answer: Wing emo.
Wing emo = lying down, actually.
So keypads and fingers, they better cooperate with the mind and the eyes too. And on the other hand, Stinky, do not be too lazy, don't lie down too much, so lucky, now that there's no more school for you. Its been a living hell for me on my part. ):
But never mind, X I DOOM will make the day.

What's X i doom, anyway?

Wednesday, 9 April 2008

against all odds.

She was confused, tensed, irritated with herself. She had never allowed herself to be provoked; she had to remain cool and distant. Those crazy people, however, had managed to make her feel shame, fear, rage, a desire to murder them all, to wound them with words she hadn't dared to utter. She needed to get back to the person she used to be, someone able to respond with irony, to pretend that the insults didn't bother her because she was better than all of them. Honestly, here I am, with my days literally numbered, giving importance to remarks made by people I've never seen before, people who soon I'll never see again. And yet I suffer and get upset; I want to attack and defend. Why waste my time?

But she was wasting the little time left to her, fighting for her tiny bit of space in that
strange community where you had to put up a fight if you didn't want others imposing their rules on you.

I can't believe it, I never used to be like this. I never used to fight over stupid things.

Monday, 7 April 2008

all in a day's work.

Tonight's the first time I got online after my Mio mysteriously disappeared. Its been 3 days now, and I feel so disconnected with the 'world' I am very used with. I am trying to blog as fast as I can now because brother will be home really soon and he may want to use this connection too. Sigh sigh sigh. And what a way to start the first day of school today. I wish holidays could go on forever. If I knew... oh never mind. Anyway, a special note to my special someone; you've been the best, most patient, most soft spoken, most soft-hearted, most tolerant, most charming, most cutest, most gentle sweetheart anybody could've been to me. Thank you for being extremely patient with me all these while sunshine, for being by me all the time, for casting all my fears away, for having breakfast & lunch with me, and for all the happy thoughts you've instilled in me. You're the best lah skinny! Let's ride horses into the sunset!

Thursday, 3 April 2008

shut your eyes.

Finally I met Tee today, and did quite a lot of catching up on my part. I miss going over to her place, just like yesteryear, when everything else was just blissful and . . . concealed. Talking to her makes me realise how much we've grown through time, I'd like to hear and see us in 7 years to come! Time has been tough on us these few semesters, our schedule never seem to tally and I'm sure we'll meet soon dear cats.
On a lighter note, I've finally found some source of 'escapism' (a new word I learned from maisarah's blog) into my not-so-interesting life. Which is, reading! Yes, yes, I've been doing that since ever, I know, but just to rekindle the old bookworm flame that used to be in me, I'm starting to read religiously again. 100 pages today, another hundred pages tomorrow. Or sometimes I just read to my heart's content, until my vision goes blurry.
School starts next week, what is 7 days to all of us nowadays, it passes us by just like how perfume evaporates into the atmosphere.
Lately, I've given myself a self-issue to think about.
How would love really be if there's only magic on this earth?

Wednesday, 2 April 2008

planners

"when I grow up, I'd like to be a gynecologist!"

Now, that statement was made when I was at the tender age of fourteen, when ankle socks were so in that we (the students) didn't mind getting caught for wearing socks that are deprived of length. I remembered once on a very fine day, when all of us were suppose to have recess (that's what it's termed back then); but me and the other 4 friends stayed in class just to take a peek out of another friend's writing pad. She had love notes for this significant other, and sadly, the one that she pined for (if I could remember clearly) wasn't aware of her existence. We had fun playing detective, laughing like hysteric 5 year old kids most of the time, and because of that we managed to only read a small portion of the entire thing. That was so memorable.

If I could turn back time, I'd like to reunite the scattered pieces of my happiness together and see how the world is a place for everybody. How everything else mattered so much more than hate, distrust, betrayal and fidelity. If only I knew how to count my blessings back then, I'd be so fat now, as evidence to prove all healthy feelings inside. :) But what's done cannot be undone I suppose, life just, goes on. To be aware of my blessings that encircles me right this moment, is better than digging the bygones which its outcome I myself, am not clear of.

Anyway Mondok I hope you'll read this since these days you've been really busy beefing up your income. I'd like you to have the best 19th birthday, may your life be full of PURPLE flowers and plush toys and more Halls Breezers and Beer Battered Fish and cuttlefish balls and more turkish delights for me, please? Nahh. Enjoy your birthday, you'll get a bash from me soon. When school reopens. Just you wait Mondok. Happy Birthday bestfriend!

the over-glorified.

You seem to find all that's wrong in me, instead of all that's right.